Becalmed

So why do I bother to write a blog?
Does it reward me? Do I profit?
Why do I struggle with an inadequate body typing letter by letter?
It's a waste of time. It takes the life out of me, it drains me.
So why bother?

I returned home yesterday. After a month of being in hospital;
every day rushing between therapy sessions and test appointments.
A day without appointments, just silence.
In the quiet thoughts drift aimlessly, becalmed on a deep ocean of feeling.
So I write to stop the mutiny arising from the idle activity of meandering aimlessly.

Speaking to myself makes poor company.
Looking at a screen "flipping" virtual cards...
Kings, Queens, Jacks and impatience.
I have checked my email an facebook, but with mixed emotions, nothing new.
I am not lonely, just alone in my sea of feeling.

I write because for a moment in time; the aching, the aimless drifting, stops.
Just for a moment I feel substantial.
The hollow echoes become distinct.
My soul surfs on the breath of purpose.
Spent, the gust ends....