What's become of me?

What's become of me?

Choices ,choices few are the options
Even these can be crushed by a "helpful" carer
So it is with choices ,they become "subject to"
So I sit and wonder,what's become of me.

People tell me, I have independence
i have free choices
let me tell you this is a lie
it's a lie to benefit them
somehow my "independence" gives relief

oh how I wish it were so
to just think decide and then do
this is not how it works.
almost every choice becomes task
even scratching an itch

What have I become ?
I am quieter,obviously less active
spontaneity ? can't do that
quick visit to the pub? forget it

I am a space occupier,
I hesitate to say waster but
that's how it feels

We all need friends

We all need friends

My sadness surprises me.  I listen to a story on the radio, my thoughts wander. I remember independence, waking up early and seeing the morning unfold while the coffee warms my hands and I have my thoughts to myself. Perhaps my sadness is the loss of freedom of 360 degrees of choice.

Now, I wait for my hair to be brushed while I rinse with the mouthwash. Mornings are the beginning of a cycle made up of being pushed, pulled and adjusted. Choice is limited and independence is only a word others use.

I have become someone I don't recognize. I  am disinterested in doing anything. I am so sad inside. I'm without hope and motivation is just a disciplined action. I clutch desperately to any opportunity for comfort or extra mobility. Decay, disrepair and disarray overwhelm me,  gloom  and failure become my friends.