My early letters contained this (November 2003) as part of a letter to friends and colleagues.

FACING REALITY

Facing reality. A phrase we all use at various stages of our lives. We use it to give us resolve. To clarify our options. To justify our choices .

Often we combine this with the sentiment, "at least we don't have it as bad as ..." and make reference to someone we know in a worse state.

We might adopt a more optimistic stance and count our blessings. With words like "at least we still have our health ".

Some of us simply can't deal with reality and prefer to ignore it. Does it exist if I can't see it? We try to "sleep" it off, in the vain hope it will go away.

Blame can also be an effective tool in the short term. We blame others, we blame circumstances or the system. It is easier to be the victim than to deal with your difficulties.

Self-pity is a very common place to end up. We can get many people to sympathise and feed self-pity and often it's easier to choose "friends "who do this at the exclusion of others.

The rebel or fighter might simply apply the hate filled strategy "I won't let the b?????ds get me down ".

My life has changed irreversibly and inexplicably. My days are slow and my nights even slower. Each moment is filled with pain and frustration which subsides at night after a sleeping tablet. I face the prospect of a life devoid of physical contact except when being bathed or dressed. I have not changed, but my ability to walk, move and talk has. I can't shake hands or initiate any contact but I appreciate a reassuring pat or a kiss on the cheek.

How do you face the reality of paralysis and loss of speech?

I focus on getting through each day. I fail often. I do the best I can.In reality I can do no more.