Friday, 11 April 2008

GIVING UP

When am I allowed to give up? Is there a point when it's OK? Do I wait till my heart just stops? The relentless attrition, the daily pouring out my strength. The drudgery and the emptiness like a nagging toothache, dull and constant in its pervasive insisting throb. Escape is not an option. Hope? Just too embarrassed to make an appearance.

I have fought the fight for 6 years. Don't I get a day off? People talk to me about taking time off,don't they understand? Time off from what? Being paralysed? Being in pain? Being alone and depressed? No, they mean go somewhere else and be paralysed, in pain and alone. Yippee!

When?

I don't want to. I don't want to. To be me takes too much effort. But to be anything else is not satisfying.

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