Pictures and Words: a Father ‘s Lament

In the dark of early morning I lie awake

My mind is restless

My body twisted and uncomfortable

I try to sleep

Images of memories my pictorial past

My children

Faces and postures, incidents and occasions

Flip like a slideshow

The memories begin to fade, followed by words

Desperate words

Reaching out into my mind and beyond

The words long to be spoken

Oh my children my words are for you!

Waning for you is my role

The words carry the thoughts and experiences

Capsules of living

I will write the words and hope they are spoken

Even if whispered

I will hope that they are spoken

To you

Dark heart

I have a darkness in my heart.
In my quiet moments, a shadow.
Where am I ?
I am fading, my strength, like ice cream in summer leaks away.
Comfort and hope are repelled from me.
I procrastinate, I shrink from duty, failure follows me.
Gloom in my heart and despair in my mind.
Oh God please help me.

How I feel

Oh Lord why do I feel so worthless
I have emotions
I feel impotent
Life is  going  on and I am stuck

Time is moving and I am left
I am useless
My thoughts are like twisted weeds
Choking life giving thoughts, die

Hope is a memory
a fading dream
When will it end?
Oh please don't end

So much life to live.

The dark

The dark waits
lurking just out of sight
beckoning
Silent promises of rest

How tempting to give in
To stop fighting
Let go of the baton
forever to sleep

Like Lilliputian threads
Each precious person holds me
Each thread a lifeline against the dark
Each thread a blessed hope