Smile convincingly

Smile convincingly, never let them see.
A slither of hope, so slim, slips into history.
"Friends"can't be, the strain a mystery.

Hope splutters as it clings to itself.
Why do you do it? What do you gain?
When will salvation come from all the pain.

I could give up.
They wouldn't know.
Thinking perhaps some virus had laid me low.

Until the flame is squashed .
And the future goes dim.
Until this day I will trust Him.

The torture and the pleasure

The torture and the pleasure of our physical bodies. You can "feel" needs and fulfilling satisfaction. Hunger is a state of need but there is even greater when you eventually tuck in to a desired meal. We are made so that reward follows desire so that pleasure follows hunger.

I don't know how to deal with these needs. I have a physical intimacy need an enormous, confusing whirlwind of desire. I don't desire a physical relief without some emotional intimacy.

So I live with this duality. Like the wave particle duality in quantum physics I sit in a superposition of states. Hope is a slim strand, but I clutch it anyway.